


Sacrifices That Shouldn't Have Been Made

by actuallaurahollis



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:06:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2680229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallaurahollis/pseuds/actuallaurahollis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Battle scene from episode 34- Yeah, that means what you think it means. Hollstein angst. "She is looking right into your eyes and you can see the deathly reflection of the demon light- but that’s not what scares you- the acceptance you see does."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifices That Shouldn't Have Been Made

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings about the last Carmilla episode... so I made this.

You are going to die, you realise.

You had known when you had said goodbye to your father and Carmilla, and when you walked out of your dorm room for the last time. But right now it suddenly hits you in complete certainty. You are definitely going to die, and so are all your friends. Perry, Lafontaine, Danny… they are all going to die because of what _you_ roped them into.

There is a light coming out from underneath the centre of the stage (it’s a really large stage), and it’s getting brighter and brighter. It seeps out, wispy fingers reaching out for the hundreds of fleeing and screaming students. It’s mayhem. You stand there in horror with Danny, the Summer Society and the Zetas as screams fill the air and blood makes the ground damp. There’s a cut on your face, which is kindest of injuries your little group has. Danny has a broken nose, Kirsch has a broken arm and Lafontaine… well she still has party parasites in her brain.

Danny had rescued you and the other girls (they had been down there the whole time, and all as delirious as Lafontaine) from the basement where you had been taken after you’d left your dorm. The Summer Society was right behind her, weapons a blur as they cut down vampire after vampire, beast after beast. Danny hauled you to your feet, and you’ll never forget the perfect calm on her face as she cut down a vampire that had snuck up behind her.  

“Thank you.” You had whispered with a strained voice.

She smiled, and for a moment her shoulders relaxed as she took you in and realised that you are safe.

“Come on,” she said, gripping your arm gently, “we have a giant light demon to defeat.”

If only it were that easy.

Now you see the light getting further and further, spreading out over the whole campus. Perry had taken the girls back to your dorm, Lafontaine included. They were of no use in their delirious state, and the further away from the sacrifice area, the better. You see the Dean standing on the back stage (which is ridiculously far away), watching the destruction calmly with her hands resting at her sides. She spots you, and even from a distance you can see the smirk that’s on her face. She knows you aren’t going to survive this just as much as you do, but that doesn’t stop you glaring right back at her.

_What a bitch,_ you think.

Even though you are going to die and you’ve disturbed things too much for there to be no casualties, you find something inside yourself. You lift your head up and look around, assessing your surroundings for _something_ that could help. Anything.

You spot a door just below where you are standing on the hill overlooking the stage, and it leads to under the stage. You tap Danny on the shoulder and point towards it; she nods immediately and gestures to the other Summer Society girls to follow her.

“I’ll distract the Dean.” You whisper as she walks past. She turns to you and for a moment you are worried she is going to tell you to run off to safety.

But she doesn’t.

“Don’t let her eat you, Hollis.” She says, and you smile because for the first time you feel like she isn’t looking at you like you need to be protected.

“Don’t get devoured by the light monster, Lawrence.” You reply, and it almost feels like old times. Almost.

There is a scream and you know, somehow, that somebody just died.

“Go!” You yell at Danny, and she hurries off with her sisters behind her.

Then you turn to face the Dean. You run towards the stage, avoiding the light as much as possible but still feeling the burn of it as it passes. You finally get to the stairs, and you are right at the back now, possibly 50 metres from the start of the stage, and that’s when you pause. The Dean is standing there in all her dark power, business suit ripped and stained with bright red blood as she smiles eerily at the destruction. She turns to face you, and your mouth goes dry as she gestures for you to join her. You walk up the stairs slowly, wondering how long it’s going to take before she decides she wants to snap your neck. You reach the top and take slow steps towards her. She laughs and stares right at you.

“Hello Laura, I don’t believe we have officially met. The last time I was around… well, you were a bit occupied.”

You want to run. Run far, far, far away, because those eyes are dark and terrifying and this _thing_ has lived longer then you could possibly comprehend. But you stand your ground, because maybe- just maybe- Danny will find a way to kill the monster, and you can’t let the Dean get in the way of that.

“Trust me, it wasn’t by choice.” You reply, and there is more strength and conviction in your words then you expected, which surprises you- and the Dean apparently.

“Well my, my.” She murmurs, “Aren’t you something? Quite different from the other one she was infatuated with. That one crumbled the moment she saw what my dear Mircalla was… you on the other hand seem to accept it. I admit that I’m quite impressed. It’s a shame you are going to die.”

You try not to let how terrified you are show on your face or your trembling hands, but a part of you knows its useless- she knows how scared you are.

You are about to reply with something rather snarky when suddenly there is a hand wrapped around your throat and your feet aren’t touching the newly built stage anymore. You claw at the hand suffocating you, and stare with wide eyes at the Dean’s face, which is only inches away from your own. She’s snarling fiercely at you, and your heart is pumping ridiculously fast and the edges of your vision are already starting to dim.

“You would have been a good vampire,” she whispers, and she almost sounds regretful, “right after we got rid of that righteous attitude of yours. Oh well… some sacrifices are simply inevitable.”

Suddenly the hand is impossibly tight, and for a moment you really wish you had picked some other evil monster to go up against because super strength is so _unfair_. You are gasping for air and everything is turning black, but all you can feel is regret for everything you said to Carmilla because now you will never be able to say sorry. You’ll never be able to kiss her like you wanted to. You’ll never get to see her smile again, or hear her laugh. But she’s safe- she’s away from here, and she will survive and live for hundreds of years to come. Somehow, it makes your death easier.

Except suddenly you aren’t dying anymore.

You are on the ground, your lungs raking in as much air as possible and your ears are ringing painfully. Somehow you still hear a voice over it, and it’s _her._

“Fool me once Mother, shame on you. Fool me twice… well, let’s just say I’m not letting you fool me the second time.”

Carmilla. Carmilla is here, and she is holding a sword.

Water is dripping from every inch of her. She looks pale and exhausted, but somehow she is holding down the Dean on the stage floor (who you note looks absolutely furious).

“What do you think you are doing?” She yells, split flying and teeth bared.

“I’m stopping you.” Carmilla replies in a strained voice, her arms shaking with the effort of holding her mother down. The Dean suddenly laughs, and you see Carmilla’s shoulders stiffen at the sound.

“You won’t kill me child. I raised you, I loved you, and I bought you back from death. Killing the person who did so much for you… it would turn you into the monster you always feared being.”

Carmilla is looking at the woman, and you see the pain and fear she is feeling in every feature of her face. Her eyes are wide, her lips trembling, and there is a twitch on her right cheek. But there is also something else, and you feel your heart break when you realise what it is.

You suddenly understand why Carmilla stayed with the Dean for so long, and why she never opposed her. Manipulation seemed to be a strong point for the Dean, and you’ve grown to realise that there is a part of Carmilla that simply craves to be loved.

It hurts knowing that for so long the only love she thought she had was from a psychopathic evil ancient being. Well, now she has another source of love.

You try and say her name and it comes out more like a strangled croak, but the girl looks over anyway. She looks so _tired_. You try and talk, to tell her to put down the sword and stop being so _stupid_ , but then the Dean spoke.

“It’s already started. You are wasting away… like I said my dearest; the sword devours all who wield it. If my love for you won’t prevent you from killing me, then the fact that you are too selfish to sacrifice yourself will.”

Carmilla’s whole body is shaking, and you realise she _is_ wasting away. Her cheeks have become sunken and the flesh directly touching the sword was red and blistered. Her skin was becoming alarming pale, and she was blinking incessantly, as if she couldn’t see clearly. But still, Carmilla held onto the damned sword.

“Carm…” you manage to croak out, standing unsteadily on your feet and hobbling towards her. You feel panic rising in your chest, because she’s dying _oh my god she can’t die she was the one who was meant to survive_ and you see in her eyes that she knows it to. She knows she’s going to die. Carmilla’s eyes are on you as you walk towards her, and the Dean smiles creepily at both of you. Carmilla is looking at you, and her eyes seem to be pleading something that she left unspoken, _telling her_ something that she refused to say.

“Laura, just stay back. I’m okay. You just need to stay back alright?” Carmilla says to you, and she is taking slow steps back, dragging her mother along with her and her voice is shaky and slightly panicked and suddenly you know exactly what she is planning to do. You see her realise that you know.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers with tears in her eyes, and that’s when you remember how your legs work and you step towards her quickly, reaching out to grab her arm.

But it’s too late.

“No!” You scream as she disappears into a puff of black smoke, taking the Dean and the sword with her. You are left grasping at thin air for a moment, before you wildly spin around to try to locate where Carmilla had teleported. You can’t lose her, not after everything you’ve been through, not after she saved you from Will- not after you realise that you are in love with her.

You finally see her.

She is at the centre of the stage, and light is erupting from every crevice, burning and maiming and tearing at everything that gets in its way. You see the skin of the Dean burning and blistering, but she doesn’t scream, she doesn’t even flinch as the light eats away at her flesh- she just glares with unimaginable hatred at Carmilla. Somehow, Carmilla is not meeting the same burning fate. Yes, the sword itself is taking its toll on her, but the light of the monster seemed to be completely unable to touch her. There was a glow about her, and as she gripped the hilt of the large curved blade with both hands and lifted it to face the light, you wish you could stop time. There was something heart breaking and beautiful about the moment, as Carmilla’s dark hair whipped around in the wind and the sword gleamed in the deathly light. You feel hot tears work their way down your cheeks, and an unspeakably heavy feeling crashes into your lungs as you run towards the scene.

_No. No. No._

You are not going to let her die. No- not today, not ever- and you are not going to die either. You are going to survive, and you will save Carmilla, and after all this _stupid_ supernatural business is over you are going to kiss that girl like you have wanted to for weeks.

As you run towards her you can see her glistening eyes and trembling chin. The light is retreating into itself, forming, growing in reaction to the sword. You get even closer to Carmilla and open your mouth to yell at her, to just _put the goddamn sword down because they can find something else to defeat the Dean_ but your voice is still too raw from being strangled to near death. You are so close now; she is right there and you can see her skin is as white as paper and her face is gaunt. She’s staring right into the approaching light, watching it writhe and explode as if in a trance. Your tears are coming down heavier and heavier and a sob erupts from you because you never wanted this, you never wanted to see her like this, for her to do this.

You are suddenly at her side, and the Dean is unconscious on the ground and the light has retreated into itself further- this is the only reason you aren’t burning alive. Carmilla’s eyes are distant and wide and her chest is heaving- she doesn’t even notice that you are there. You stand at Carmilla’s side, and slowly you reach up your hand, and with delicate fingers you brush against her pale face.

That breaks her out of her trance- she turns to face you and she looks so scared that it sends new tears rolling down your face.

“Don’t do t-this, don’t do it you s-stupid vampire!” You sob, and now both your hands are cupping her face, and she is leaning into the touch. Her whole body is trembling in obvious pain. You reach down with one hand, trying to grab the sword and rip it out of her grasp. But she is too quick, and moves it away from you.

“Don’t touch it,” she murmurs weakly, “It will kill you.”  
“It’s killing you! Let it go!” You yell back.

She shakes her head and you feel an intense pain in your chest.

“I have to do this Laura, it’s the only way.”

“No it’s not, we can- we can think of s-something! Just put down the sword before you die!”

She is looking right into your eyes and you can see the deathly reflection of the demon light- but that’s not what scares you- the acceptance you see does.

“I’m sorry Laura, I don’t have a choice- you don’t have a choice. This is the only way to save everybody.”

“I don’t care if I don’t have choice, I want to choose _you_. Stop Carm, please. You can’t die.” Your voice cracks and you think that this is what it feels like to lose your mind. She smiles, but it’s sad and watery.

“I… I wish we- I wish we had more time. For us.” She says, and there is longing and regret for something that had only just started. You feel it cut through you like a knife, and suddenly the same complete certainty that _you_ were going to die comes back, except it’s not you who is dying anymore.

“There’s still time, w-we can go back to our dorm a-and watch one of those black and white movies you love so much, and I think you owe me more then a few dinners from all the food you stole from me so-“

“Cupcake,” she interrupts. She is smiling and it’s not so sad anymore, and there is a gleam in her eye that looks like what you feel when you see her, “thankyou- for everything. I… I would do it all again- every second- in a heart beat.”

You are shaking your head because she is being so _stupid_ and your mouth is moving but no sound is coming out. You hear loud footsteps behind you, and you whirl around thinking some new danger to coming to hurt you and Carmilla, but it isn’t.

“Laura!” Yells Danny, cuts and bruises covering almost every inch of her.

Then suddenly your hands are empty, and you feel Carmilla moving away from you. You turn back towards her, but it’s too late. She’s gone, and is charging at the light with her sword at the ready.

“Carmilla!”

You start to follow her, but suddenly she is at the light and in a wide, powerful arc, she swings the sword through it.

The instant the sword touches the light it bursts into flame.

It’s so bright you have to cover your eyes, and you can feel the intense heat singing your hair but all you can think of is Carmilla being engulfed in the flames.

The heat fades and you uncover your eyes, blinking away the green blots and confusion. Everything is in slow motion- you feel like it takes you a thousand years to see the Dean’s body disintegrate into dust. It feels like a thousand more to recognise Danny’s hand on your shoulder.

It feels like it took a million years for you to see Carmilla’s unmoving body splayed out next to the sword.

“No… no, Carmilla!”

Now you are running towards her, and suddenly you are on your knees next to her and shaking her because _no, no, no she isn’t dead, she can’t be dead._

You move the hair covering her face, and your tears are falling on her but her eyes are closed and her body is completely limp.

“Wake up, just _wake up_ you idiot you’re not dead, you can’t bet dead!”

You pull her head onto your lap, cradling her beautiful and entirely too peaceful face.

Then you wait.

Because now, right now, is the time where she is meant to wake up and give you that stupid cocky smirk. To smile at you and call you ‘cupcake’ or ‘creampuff’- to do something unbelievably caring and then cover it up with snark and faux apathy. Right now.

_Come on._

You wait there as the seconds turn into minutes, just holding her and gently running your fingers through her hair. Any minute now.

When the minutes turn into hours, Danny has given up on getting you to move, or to even attempt talking to you. She leaves you with a blanket on your shoulders and a whispered apology, and you know you should say something- anything- to her, but you don’t. Eventually you can’t feel your legs anymore and the sun is setting and maybe you should just accept it and go, but you stay- because any moment now she is going to wake up, and she will need you there.  

You don’t know how to express how much you need _her_ here.

The stars appear and you look up at them, thinking about all the times Carmilla had expressed in some way how much she adored them. You remember her on the night after your fight with Danny, where she sat by the window and listed off stars and constellations to you while you sobbed quietly into your pillow- the yellow one (you don’t think you’ll ever understand how her voice was so calming to you). You remember the times she made you hot chocolate without you even asking, and how somehow each and every time it was exactly what you needed. You remember the night before everything started going to hell, where you asked her to the party and she was so otherworldly and beautiful in the starlight as she said her own very Carmilla version of yes.

Now you had an inkling as to why she had such a fascination with the stars- you marvelled at their distance, their indifference, their seemingly immortal nature. So much had happened, so much destruction had been caused and yet they still shined just as brightly as they did the night before. These pinpricks of light have existed for longer then you can imagine, and they will exist long after you are dead and gone.

Just like Carmilla was meant to.

But you wait, because she _will_ come back to you. In some way or another, she will- she has to. There are too many things left unsaid between the two of you, and too many things that didn’t happen. So you decide you will wait for her, and a part of you knows that you would wait forever for this girl.

So you wait.

And you wait.

You are left waiting.

(She never comes back).


End file.
